The Definitive List Of Questions To Get To Know Yourself

photo of a girl looking at her reflection in the mirror

“To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom.” - Socrates  06.03.24

Understanding Who You Are

Listen, I get it. Most of the time when we hear the words "self-development" or "self-help" we start to cringe. Well this article is for those who cringe but are also just a little bit curious. It’s important to know why we do what we do. The answers are the pathway to finding self-fulfillment and purpose.

Sure this all sounds like a load of jargon but I genuinely do believe it's true. And, if we're keeping on the whole being real tip, then let's just say everybody wants just that. To have meaningful relationships, feel fulfilled and be happy. If you say otherwise you're probably lying.

Experiencing A Loss Of Identity

It's to little or no surprise that we tend to lose ourselves in others. Whether it's a best friend that is extremely influencial or a long term relationship, the people we surround ourselves with have a direct impact on who we are. We change unbeknownst over time. It's important to see those changes and realize why we are aligning ourselves with new beliefs. Maybe the circumstances have changed, it's still important to be cognizant. Ripping through a list of questions that force self-reflection is a great way to notice changes in self and reground yourself in your own belief system.

photo of woman looking into a broken mirror

The Perks Of Knowing

It's hard to fully give yourself in a relationship if you don't have a basic understanding of who you are. It's almost like you should know yourself like you know your best friend. Be your best friend. You want to hang up the loneliness and find someone you're compatible with. Or maybe you are stuck in a negative loop with your current partner and you're trying to get out.

Figuring out what exactly makes us tick is the answer to everything (well almost everything). We can disarm situations faster, make better decisions, and learn to be our best selves. I personally believe there is a direct correlation between one's happiness and their level of self-awareness. The fact that you are here reading this now says you have some level of wanting to know. Below are a list of questions with little comments to make you think.

The List

1. How do I handle the uncertainty of life?
Are you inherently stressed about the future or are you more laid back and go with the flow?
2. What are my morals?
Are you honest, compassionate, forgiving, courageous, kind, loyal, resposible, fair, adaptable? Which define you?
3. What are my core values?
Are they family, friends, love, health, education, freedom, creativity, achievement, innovation, humility? Which are prioritized more?
4. How do I learn best?
Are you a visual learner, auditory, project-based, solitary, school-based, reading and writing?
5. What is my love language?
Which apply to you: Words of affirmation, Quality time, Physical touch, Acts of service, or Receiving gifts?
6. Who has influenced me the most in my life?
Who has had the biggest influence on who you are today? A family member? Public figure? Why?
7. Are you the alpha or beta in relationships?
Do you like to take control and make the decisions or are you more laid back and the supporting type?
8. How do I handle stress and pressure?
When it gets down to the line how do you react at being stressed and feeling pressured?
9. What triggers anger and frustration?
When you find yourself getting mad is it due to hunger, stress, family problems, financial duress, impatience? Why are you all of the sudden so upset?
10. How do you define the word "relaxation"?
We all like to unwind at the end of a long day, what does that mean for you? Does this align with others you hold relationships with?
11. What does success mean to me?
Everyone defines success differently. It can be starting a family, financial gains, careers, fame, travel...How does this align with your partner? What do you prioritize?
12. Am I more risk-averse or more risk-on?
Do you like to take risks in life or do you prefer to play it safe? Are you more conservative in your approach to life?
13. How do I speak to myself?
In troubled times do you show yourself compassion or criticize yourself over tiny mistakes? Are you hard on yourself?
14. Do I have a growth or fixed mindset?
When confronted with failure do you walk away and say "not for me" or view it as a part of the process to becoming successful?
15. Am I a perfectionist?
This one is a bit more self explanatory.
16. Am I a morning riser or more of a night-owl?
When do you feel the most productive during the day? Do you like to stay up late and work while everyone sleeps? Or rise with everyone else in the morning?
17. In what situations do I feel happy and sad?
What situations make you feel happy and which make you feel sad? Is it fishing on a cool summer day? Or is it torture watching fish being caught and then released? Is it spending time with ones you love? Shopping? Concerts? Reading the news makes you sad?
18. What habits do I like and which would I like to change?
A good habit could be regularly exercising or eating healthy while a bad habit could be procrastinating, being impatient, or spending too much time on the phone. Which are yours?
19. Can I say I'm sorry to others?
When confronted with an argument or hurt feelings how do you respond? Are you able to apologize?

guy looking into mirror and not seeing his reflection

Other Less Aggressive Questions

    Where am I most self-confident?
    What do I truly enjoy doing?
    If I had to change one characteristic about myself which would it be?
    What can I teach others?
    Do I work to live or live to work?
    Children or no children?
    Which relationships do I hold closest and why?
    Do others influence my decision making?
    What am I most grateful for?
    Is there anything I need to let go of?
    Do I have an addictive personality?
    What are my addictions?
    What is my body trying to tell me right now?
    If I died today what would my biggest regret be?

Introspection As An Edge

I stumbled across a great article about the power in knowing yourself and living authentically that got me inspired. Introspection can be the worst. It forces us to be honest with ourselves and take that look within. It's a great way to point out where our flaws are and why we suck at times. Or on the contrary, where our strengths are and when we are unbelievably awesome.

If I know that I learn best in a classroom setting and from watching videos, I can now expedite my learning process. Or if I'm a perfectionist, maybe I can come to terms that perfection is not always attainable, and I'm wasting time trying to achieve it. Or if having a family is what success looks like, then I should be looking for a partner who isn't solely focused on their career, but also wants to have a family. These tiny details all add up to you.

Knowing how I express my love best has helped my marriage grow exponentially over the years. I understand that I have specific ways of letting my wife know that I love her. The book The Five Love Languages helped me better understand myself.

Finding That Eternal Sunshine

Realizing them gives you an edge. We as human beings are inherently social creatures. We are all on the same path eternally searching for purpose and happiness. I mean what else is there besides that? Anything we pursue in life leads right back to those two things. You want money because it makes you happy. You want fame or power in your work because it makes you feel important which in turn makes you...happy. Looking inward can be extremely powerful. By better understanding ourselves, we are giving ourselves the best chance at getting just that: Happiness.

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